Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. - Karl Menninger     “THE ONE”  Needs  RAPPORT Rapport is absolutely essential to any type of effective communication.  ”THE ONE” technique functions in two ways. First in requires Rapport to use the POWER technique. If you don’t have rapport with the person you’re talking to will not connect with you.   They will not want to really let you into their heart They simply will not give you an honest answer to your questions. And you will absolutely be able to tell when their answers are not coming from their heart.   “THE ONE”  INTIMACY There is an amazing thing that happen as you use this technique. Not only is rapport built but also much deeper intimacy. The quality of the questions is such that most people have not every thought about what’s important to them. And they have never told anyone. Except YOU!   When someone tells you something important that they have NEVER told ANYONE that puts you in a special place in their life. And it puts you in that special place. It puts you in that special place without them even knowing that your there. The just feel like they can trust you like they can tell you anything.   If they can tell you this incredibly important information it opens the flood gates for them to tell you all kinds of other information. This is the true power and responsibility of the  ”THE ONE” technique   TRUST POWER COMFORT POWER   “THE ONE”  Creates RAPPORT Rapport is deepened as you plumb the depths the person’s soul that your communicating with.   There is a connection we share with people who know about us.   Rapport Using Your Emotions     You are going to be interacting with another human being,  and you are coping their communication style to achieve results that will absolutely astonish you.   These techniques will work for you no matter what you do, as long as you use them the way that I have outlined for you here…. However when you have emotional control and flexibility so that you can control you emotions like an actor would.  This is when the magic starts to happen, and these techniques shine in amazing ways.   I have been telling you to say the same words an the prospect,  but now I would like to add to that by telling you to say them with the same tone, emotion, inflection, feeling, volume, and attitude.   Literally to forget yourself and to become the person your talking to.  To become just like them. To act them, to feel like them, to think like them, to process information like them.   This is a skill just like anything else, and just like the skill of walking when you first tried to walk, you fell down,  This is ok.  Just keep getting up.  Keep trying.   Our personalities, emotions and attitudes are something that we don’t think about we just act and feel the way we do.  The old proverb is don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes..   Well walking in his shoes is the easy part…  Unless their shoes are tiny… And our feet are big..  ; )   This is the basic concept of rapport.  We like, trust, connect, and do business with people who are the same as us.  The more the same they are the more compelled we are to do business with them.   Rapport is a fundamental skill of selling and most sales techniques focus on “shallow rapport”  in “old school” sales techniques sales people were instructed to talk about the pictures our customer had in his office. Talk about any similarities that you possibly could.   Are you from the same place,  did you go to the same school,  do you like the same kind of food.  Are you married.  Absolutely anything where we could show that we were the same as them.  This does build rapport, but it builds rapport on a very shallow level in most cases.   Then the next step was to dress like the person you were building rapport with .  To be as much like them physically as possible.   To have your hair style the same as theirs,  if they wear glasses then you  have a pair o reading glasses (if you need them or not)  so you can be the same as the prospect   In the older sales books the question of facial hair would always come up.  The standard statistic was that if you had a mustache you would sell much less maybe 20% less,  but if you had a beard you would sell 30% less.   Then these books would go into reasons why they thought facial hair impacted sales so drastically.   Now we know the answer,  and it’s simple,  Rapport.   Actually a beard or mustache can help you sell better. Much Better.  With prospects that have a beard or a mustache…   so make sure you keep a fake mustache in your brief case just in case you have a prospect who has a mustache..  (JUST A JOKE.. LOL OK)   Then came NLP with mirroring and matching,  this brought rapport to a whole new level.  To the level of subconscious communication. We were now communicating directly to the subconscious mind of the prospect saying to them I AM THE SAME AS YOU,  because I move like you, stand like you, talk the same as you, breath the same as you.  This has become apart of almost any good sales training, as it should.  I myself have a 1-2 day seminar just on this topic of rapport.   Most sales trainings give less than 45 minutes to this subject which is sad because it leaves the participants feeling like the know what mirroring and matching is about and yet they don’t see the results because of the shallow treatment of the subject.   Mirroring and matching is not the end step, it’s the only the middle step in building and understanding rapport.     The final step to understanding and using rapport powerfully is when you start  to match peoples  belief systems,  and the way the process information, to match their motivational style in your presentation, to use their words, their vocabulary.   Literally to become exactly like them in every way you can,  because people trust, believe and feel comfortable with themselves.  So if you become he same as them,  the will believe, trust, and feel comfortable with you by default.   The first skill we need to master this is EQ also called Emotional Intelligence famously by  Daniel Goleman ,   Emotional Intelligence is simply being flexible,  Actors are incredibly flexible in their emotions.   Flexibility and control are not the same thing,  you can be flexible in your emotions and have no control, and you can be in control of your emotions and not be flexible.  Our goal is to be both.   Learning the skill of acting is one of the easiest ways to accomplish this for people who need more flexibility in their emotions,  If you are flexible but have little control it’s very unlikely you lasted long enough in sales to read this book, because of the rejection involved  however if you are reading this book and would like more information about increasing your EQ  I would like to recommend “Working with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.   For the rest of you.  If you lack EF  Emotional Flexibility,  acting classes at the local community college will make you life fun and interesting, make you more attractive to the opposite sex, allow you to feel happier, and “believe it or not”  help you to connect with you prospects and sell massively better.